The Platinum Rule for Project Managers, Grateful Best Practices

What if we were treated as WE wanted to be treated rather than the way the retailer, business, supervisor, partner, or other party wanted to treat us – based on their own paradigms?   

Attempting to personalize your experience is a trend that the internet is bringing about: when we search for something on Google, ads get routed to us through various channels trying to sell us what WE want rather than what they think we want as they did before. This could be transformational in business as a whole: performance management (you reward me in the ways I want to be rewarded, not some corporate standard based on what the company WANTS to give me). Or in customer service where you give the customer choices, and they choose what works best for them. You are seeing great applications of this thought process in customer loyalty programs where people now have a choice of their rewards. 

In this article, we will explore applying “The Platinum Rule for Project Managers” as leaders and how Grateful Leadership (2013) by Judy Umlas compels us toward connection. Her “5 Cs of Acknowledgment” which include Consciousness, Choice, Courage, Communications, and Commitment all lead us toward Connection—with our teams, stakeholders, clients, et al. We talk so much about building “a brand” and I can’t help but wonder, what about truly building connections?  

I have discussed connection as part of the Communication “C” of the “5 Cs of Acknowledgment” but really it applies to all five. Instead of building a brand which seems very product focused to me, I suggest focusing on building connections you make with your clients as you study their needs with curiosity and compassion (more Cs!). I’d focus on building relationships through connection by understanding and “seeing” your clients.  

Let the product folks build the product brands by focusing on categories and demographics of customers that are general and usually apply to larger groups of customers with generalized characteristics. When talking about working with people, we add value by focusing on those we work with, work for, and serve in our daily activities by nurturing human connection. 

In order to build true connections, you must bring your authentic self, which relates to the first of the “Cs” – Consciousness. There are many steps to being a conscious person and one is knowing yourself. This journey can be very specific to your life experience because it involves understanding and living by your values, knowing your strengths, weaknesses, and being aware of your place in life when compared to where you want to be. That means knowing what your mind, body, and spirit need each day and keeping all of that in balance. None of us are perfect at this.  

Once you have a baseline of peace within yourself, you can be more empathetic to others, and how they are feeling. This journey is the path toward building your EQ or emotional quotient. Knowing yourself also means being willing to learn and change all through your life. It means not assuming you know everything about anything and always being curious to learn more. Your capacity to learn never ages out, and that comes from someone who finished her Ph.D. at 50! Building your knowledge continues to expand your IQ (measure of intellect) as you go along in your career. This will allow you to follow The Platinum Rule by understanding how to treat others as they want to be treated using your EQ and your IQ. 

I believe connection is one of the keys to why so many people have trouble pinning down what makes a person a successful leader. Of course, there is no recipe for successful leadership. I believe most of us exist on a spectrum made of EQ and IQ traits.  

In Grit by Angela Duckworth (2016), the author makes the case for why grit is one of the keys to success. I agree with the author and as she concedes in the book, it is not the only trait that leads to success. It is part of the equation and because we all make mistakes, it’s important to have the grit to pick yourself up, learn from the experience, and go forward. As Duckworth also points out, there is a time to walk away (and that takes grit as well): from a job, a boss, or a connection, and no amount of grit will heal a toxic relationship.  

Sometimes taking care of our peace means letting go of some connections. I’ve had it described to me through this analogy: imagine that you are the trunk of a tree. Some people you connect with might be leaves and they come into your life for a season of purpose. Others might be branches and they stay longer than the leaves but not for a lifetime. The roots of your tree are the lifelong connections you make that can’t be broken, through heartbreak, loss, or illness, these connections are part of your tree’s root system, and they stay forever. 

During the COVID pandemic, we all lived through a lack of connection. It lasted for two long years, and I really missed human connection. I’m an extrovert and I get a lot of energy from interactions with other people and connections. I was lucky to have my husband and teenaged son to engage with, but I’m accustomed to much more connection than those two introverts could give me!  

I have learned how to find satisfaction and energy in other ways besides “in person” connection and fortunately, I had a strong network before the pandemic. I treasure the real relationships I have with people that I’ve worked with, worked for, laughed and cried with, helped with a propane heater during a once-in-a-lifetime ice storm that knocked power out for Texas for too many days, and going to the hospital where a friend needed her hair washed and her nails done as she battled through a transplant. Real relationships take work and that work has to come from a genuine desire to be connected.  

If we consider The Platinum Rule, we must care enough to find out what a connection really needs. I’ve found that those are the best connections, and they last a lifetime. A “Win-Win” as Stephen R. Covey describes in his Seven Habits of Highly Effective People (1989). These connections are not about what you plan to get from the relationship, but that they exist, are strong, and nurtured. You never know when a person who is a true connection will be able to support you in a time of need, or you will be there to help them. They might broker an introduction, refer you for a dream job, or send you a card of support when you really need it. 

Learning to connect through virtual tools like Zoom, written cards, or just a phone call has helped me remain connected to my network through the pandemic and the hybrid life that became the norm after the pandemic. I’ve learned to modify my preferred “in person” method of connection but, I’ll admit, I’m not as good at connection via technology as I am in person. As I have discussed in previous “Platinum” articles, I struggle when I can’t see body language, don’t get true eye contact, or when I can’t hear the slight intonations of the voice. What I can still do is listen, be curious, seek to understand and whatever method, these are keys to connection.  When you really listen to someone, even via technology, they feel seen, understood, and like they matter.  

Connections are only a part of the definition of success. Leave the idea of building a brand or a network behind and focus on building real, meaningful connections. Sometimes people have such a strong connection with someone they work with, they will direct their career so that they can work with them again because they admire, trust, and want to learn (more) from them. Sometimes, people do the same to work with and learn from you. This is the ultimate compliment to a leader and is a real measure of success in life.  

Are you doing everything you can to nurture your connections by applying The Platinum Rule? Even through the pandemic, with some work, you could make and strengthen connections. Use your EQ and your IQ to really understand what your connections need. This is a best practice of project managers and grateful leaders. Commit (another of the 5 Cs) to fostering connections however you can, especially since we can all get back together again.